TDB: It's 3 a.m. and she still hasn't called me back
She's probably with him...giving him brain in the cab of his truck
And I'm so fucked...driving down 40 drunk like

SPLIT: Dude! Slow down! Do you wanna get caught by the cops?

TDB: I don't give a fuck! Cuz she's gone, enough's'enough
And if I ever see them together in public, I'm fuckin' him up!
N'ah, I'm serious! I swear to God I'm fuckin' him up!
I'm f-furious, he steps to me I'm fuckin' him up!
All the rest of the phone calls I'm duckin' em, what?
All they do is make me depressed and feel down on my luck
And this other clown she's with dog, he's clownin' as fuck!

SPLIT: I know man! You told me that. Shut the fuck up!
Let's get some tacos...turn left on Skinker...
Dude...slow down...you forgot to use your blinker...

TDB: (Then, Boop! Boop!) Red and Blues flashin
Fuck! Squalet! Toss the apple, hide the beer cans

SPLIT: What the hell do I do with this?

TDB: I don't know...shove it down your pants...
Things are spinnin'....things are spinnin'...
My heartbeat starts to quicken
Tell myself to pay attention, sit up straight, and listen
Splitface is flippin'...God don't let me go to prison!!!

Chorus:
I always thought that we'd eventually get married
Have some puppies and live close to our parents
Tour all over the states and then the world
With our eyes wide open and my Private School Girl, like

TDB: Now he's got me walkin' a straight line, heel to toe
Makes me say my ABC's and holds a pen up to my nose
He tells me 'follow close', while standin' on my tippy toes
And then of course the Breathalyzer, Yep, I've got to blow...
Then the results: Click, Point 07080902010
OOhh! That close, Oh, Wo! I better pull it together Bro!
I can't believe he let me go!
Well I guess when you're white there's only one way to let you know...Shit, Split hit the Taco Hell and hightail it home...
Let's call some hoes Bro...Yo! Yo! You got your phone?
I'd rather get some slow dome then be alone

SPLIT: No, No, they're asleep, it's late, I've got to go....

TDB: What about the Eastside, Bro? You know That Shit don't ever close!

SPLIT: No, I'm tired Tucker, time to take me home
I've got to get some sleep and you really need to go!

TDB: Sianara, Shitface Nate! I don't need you anyway...
I'm heading to the Strip Club...searching for a friendly face...

Chorus: Drivin' sloppy...swervin' on the yellow line...
Smokin' herb and singin' at the top of my lungs...
Drunk as fuck...and she won't take my calls...
So now it's back to the bar...Thank God for Alcohol!!
Everything is gettin' dark, My head is swimmin'
Lord, if I die tonight, Please spare the Women and the Children!!!

TDB: AHHHH!!!! YOU FUCKIN' BITCH!!!!
YOU'RE MAKING ME DO THIS!!! AHHHH!!!!
YOU FUCKING DID THIS TO ME!!! YOU DID THIS!!! YOU!!! AHHH!!! YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!
I HATE YOU!!! IT'S BEEN YOU ALL ALONG!!!
I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF!!!